Why I FAILED Youtube | [ Even after uploading videos for more than 15 years ]

 I started uploading videos on Youtube in October 2010, and I'm writing this post in April 2026 (but posted it in May 2026), which means it has now been more than 15 years. And after creating contents on Youtube for 15 years, I am still not too far from where I started. 

There was no MrBeast when I started making videos for Youtube. Forget about MrBeast, even Pewdiepie uploaded his first video a week after my first video. And there were hardly a handful of channels with a million subscribers. So, basically, competition was not an actual problem. And I could have grown my channel to one of the biggest Youtube channels in first 5 years. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen. In last 15 years, I gained only 13000 subscribers with around 4 million total views on the channel. But why? Why did I not succeed even after making more than 600 videos?

Here are the reasons:

1. No Niche

When you upload your first video on Youtube, you might not be sure of what kind of content you want to keep creating. However, once you make 20 to 30 videos OR once you have 500 to 1000 subscribers, you should be clear about what type of content you want to go ahead with. Otherwise, you’ll keep uploading random videos which will slow down your growth.

And, that’s what happened to me. Since I had too many interests, I started uploading all types of videos - Singing videos, dance videos, acting videos, parody songs, tutorials and more. That wouldn’t be a bad thing if it was just for my first 20 videos. But I kept doing it for 15 years. And when you keep trying to make content for everyone, you end up reaching no one.

 

2. Focus on money

Making a good amount of money from Youtube takes a long time. And it takes even longer when you focus on money rather than focusing on making your content better.

When I found out that I could earn money by posting videos on Youtube, I kept making more and more videos. I even started getting good views, and I could notice that the videos were generating some revenue as well. But things turned worse when I found out about CPM or Cost per Mille. CPM is what advertisers are ready to pay per 1000 ad impressions. Back then, there was no RPM which is more accurate in terms of how much you are earning from a specific video. Anyways, once I knew about CPM, I started searching for the niches with best CPM. I saw that the CPM for content related to finance, technology and business was almost 10 to 15 times higher than the CPM for entertainment-based content. So, I started making informative and educational videos as well. It took even worse turn when I came to know that content watched in the United States, Australia and the United Kingdom generated way more revenue compared to those being watched in Asian countries. So, I shifted from making videos for local audience to making videos for global audience, especially English-speaking countries.

This forced me to make videos on subjects that I was not familiar with, which led to fewer videos, less consistency and worse, I wasn’t making videos on the topics that I was actually passionate about.

For sure, those videos generated higher revenue per view but the views were really low. And also, I ended up uploading less frequently, which led to low views, fewer subscribers and less revenue.

3.  Low Quality Videos

Since I had no specific niche and since I was focusing on higher CPM rather than focusing on what I really was passionate about, the quality of my videos couldn’t get better with time. By quality, I don’t just mean the audio-visual quality. I was not seeing any improvement in overall quality of my content. I started with singing videos, and continued with some funny videos. And then came the parody songs. One of my parody songs even got more than 100 thousand views when I had just around a thousand subscribers. That should have triggered me to create similar content to get more views and gain more subscribers. However, even after getting my channel monetized, I didn’t focus on making those types of content. It was because the CPM for those types of content was so low, and I wanted to make more money from my videos. That shift of focus killed my creativity and eventually led to low quality content. I could see that the videos targeted to the global audience were not doing good and the quality of the content in those videos were not actually good enough to be liked by the global audience. And I started seeing my channel grow way slower thant I was expecting.

4. My Shyness

I started my Youtube channel uploading singing videos and funny videos where I showed my face. Though I have been a very shy person, I’m not completely camera-shy. I feel much comfortable facing a camera than facing real people. So, I was feeling good about recording videos and uploading them on Youtube. After a couple of years of making videos, my channel started gaining traction. At first, I was very happy about it. But then the shyness in me kicked in. Back then, getting more than 100k views on a video was not an ordinary thing. And after getting lots of views on my videos, to my surprise, some people started noticing me. But instead of feeling good, I felt awkward. I wanted to show my skills and talent on the internet. At the same time, I didn’t want to be famous.

So, I started focusing on faceless videos - especially, tutorial videos. And as I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t sticking to one niche. So, I was trying to make tutorials on every kind of software applications. That made me spend more time on learning a lot of different apps, which ultimately made me take a long time to post a single video. I was even offered some opportunities to show my face and share my thoughts. But I felt nervous and awkward. And I refused those offers.

I continued making videos on random topics and at random intervals. As a result, my channel kept slowing down.

5. Consistency

If I had said at the very beginning of the video that you need consistency to be a successful Youtuber, you wouldn’t take my words seriously. But now, I can tell you that consistency is what makes you successful.

I was not able to stick to a single niche. I was focusing on generating revenue rather than doing what I was good at. I was making low quality videos. And I was too shy to continue doing what I was able to do. This eventually led to inconsistency.

I have uploaded more than 600 videos on my Youtube channel so far. And that sounds a lot. But if you compare the number of videos with the number of years, it’s not a lot. If I had uploaded 2 videos a week consistently, I would have uploaded more than 1500 videos so far. And if I wasn’t too shy to vlog everyday, I would have more than 4000 videos on my channel by now. Or if I had stuck to a niche and focused on making quality content, I would have at least 15 to 20 videos with over a million views. And since I was not able to maintain consistency, I couldn’t make enough money to quit my job. So, I had to make Youtube just a part-time thing. Because of that, I couldn’t be a full-time youtuber even after 15 years.

So, if you are about to start a Youtube channel, don’t think about monetizing your channel right away. Give yourself a year to try different types of content, to figure out what type of content really makes you satisfied, to analyze what videos your viewers are really liking, and to decide what niche you really want to stick to. If you have too many interests, make content around one topic but try to incorporate all other interests and skills in that content. That way you’ll not regret in what you are doing. However, that takes a long time and a lot of effort. 

If you are lucky or if you have some kind of unfair advantage, then your channel will blow up in a few months. Otherwise, running a successful Youtube channel is a long-term project. So, give all your efforts, be consistent and focus on the content itself rather than how much you can earn from your content. And, I’m saying this from 15 years of my experience.

How I Got Scammed in Canada on Kijiji

 If you live in Canada, you are probably familiar with Kijiji. It's a website where you can post ads for free to buy anything you want and sell anything you have. And Kijiji is where the scammer found me.

So, let's jump straight to the incident. Only few days were left for me to move to a new house from where I was living as my lease was going to end. And finding a room for yourself can be quite difficult when you are an international student. And it gets even harder when you are with your spouse. I don't know why but not everyone is ready to give a room to a couple. I had been looking for a room for me and my wife. And I visited almost every ad posted on Kijiji and Facebook Marketplace. Unfortunately, some were too expensive, some were too far, and some didn't allow couples to stay. So, even after visiting all the ads and messaging almost every one of them, I couldn't find any room.

A couple of months before this incident, I had posted an ad on Kijiji saying that a couple needed a room. And I had received a few good offers. Since the ad was already expired, I reposted it this time as I didn't have luck with any of the ads I approached. 5 minutes later, I started getting text messages on my phone. I had left my phone number in the ad. So, all of them were contacting me through my phone number rather than directly texting on Kijiji. I started seeing some hope.

I was texting with more than 3 persons at the same time, switching back and forth. They asked me to give my email address so that they could send the pictures of the room. I gave them my email address and received the pictures. I showed all the pictures to my wife and she liked one the most among all others. I stopped replying to others and continued texting with the one whose property my wife had chosen.

Till here, my biggest mistake was that I ignored the similar pattern of their questions. Everyone who contacted me asked very similar questions, and the process from approaching me to asking for email address was the same. At first, they asked when and why we wanted to move, and then they wanted to know if we are quiet and clean enough or not. Then when I said I liked the room, they asked me to secure the room immediately. Of course, I had a feeling that they all were asking the same questions but I neglected it by thinking that it was just a common formality.

Well, I resumed my conversation with this guy. And he said the same thing - if I wanted the room, I had to secure it immediately so that he would not look for any other tenants. So, he sent me a word (Microsoft Word) file which was supposed to be the application form. He then asked me to fill that form and send him one month's rent to secure the property. And here I committed the second mistake. We only had seen the pictures of the property and I sent him the amount he asked for. We just had a week left in our old room because of which we were desperately looking for a new room, and we were very worried that we might end up finding no room to stay. So, we just trusted him and sent him one month's rent which was $550.

If you are in Canada, you surely know about Interac e-transfer. If you don't know, it's a payment system in which we use email address instead of bank account number to send and receive money, though the money ultimately is deposited in the bank account. He sent me an email address which according to him was his lawyer's email address, and asked me to send the rent to that address. I sent the amount to that email id and sent him the screenshot of e-transfer which he asked for. He then sent me the receipt of payment which had his lawyer's signature and stamp.

After a while, he called me on my number. He said the amount wasn't deposited. What I have noticed with the e-transfer system is that whenever I send money to a new email address or whenever I receive money from a new email address, it takes some time to process. So, I thought that would be the reason his lawyer didn't receive the amount, and I asked him to wait. He then asked me to check with the bank and settle it immediately so that his lawyer could proceed with the formality. And at this point, maybe I made the dumbest mistake. When I signed in to my banking app, I could only see "There's been some unusual activity in your account" and the app wouldn't allow me to proceed. I got scared. And I should have stopped there. Instead, I called him and told him that the banking app showed some issue which didn't look right to me. I told him that I didn't feel safe to proceed. He then explained to me saying that it happens sometimes with the banks when there's a transaction between new sender and receiver and that there's nothing to worry about.

Sometimes, when your luck doesn't want to favor you, it just doesn't favor you at all. Usually, when I call my bank to get any information or solve any issue, I have to wait for several minutes (sometimes more than half an hour) to have someone pickup the call. But since the luck didn't want to be in my favor, the lady from the fraud department immediately answered my call. I informed her about the issue, and she told me that the amount was put on hold because the bank just wanted to confirm that the e-transfer was not done mistakenly and that it was actually me who did that transaction. I then told her that it was me who sent it and it was for the rent. She then proceeded with the transfer. Then I got the notification in my email showing that the amount was deposited.

By this point, we had stopped looking for any other rooms since we had paid one month's rent and secured the room for us. We both were kind of relieved that we finally found a room. But then this twist appeared in the story. The next morning, he texted me and asked me to pay another one month's rent saying that his lawyer wanted to proceed with the lease agreement for which the first and last months' rent had to be paid. At this point, my wife was not having a good feeling about whatever was going on. She even said that the guy seemed to a scammer. I instead explained to her that paying the first and last months' rent is common in Canada. He sent me a long text explaining that since we wanted to move sooner than the 1st of the month, we had to settle everything sooner. Convinced by weird reasons, I sent him another one month's rent, i.e. another $550. And he had assured me that he would be showing us the property after 3 days.

He texted me next morning and greeted me. Maybe he wanted to give me the impression that he had not gone anywhere and that I could rely on him. Later in the afternoon, he asked me whether I was aware of government's plan for cheaper housing in Ontario. I said I didn't know. He then called me up and started explaining. I don't clearly remember everything he said but I think the deal was something like this: I would have to pay another 2 month's rent and then the government would be paying extra 5 or 6 months' rent on my behalf. At this point, I started getting skeptical. So, I told him that I wasn't feeling good about whatever was going on. He then sent me a picture where he was holding his health card, and told me to trust him. I then told him that I wanted to go with the usual way of renting the room rather than getting into the government's cheaper housing plan. He agreed.

He didn't stop here. He called me up again. This time he said his lawyer was going to be on vacation or something like that. So, he said that his lawyer wanted him to ask me for a damage deposit. And when he said the damage deposit would be $650, I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe that the damage deposit would be more than one month's rent. I don't know if I was too desperate to find a room or if he was too good in convincing, I agreed to send the money when he convinced me that the money was refundable and that I didn't have to worry at all since he was going to show us the room a couple of days later.

Next day he called me up and apologized for a misunderstanding. He said he thought that the damage deposit was enough for both of us but his lawyer told him that $650 was just for one person, and another same amount was needed to be deposited for the second person. At this point, my wife and I were not able to decide what to do and what not to. And it was too late to say but I said to him that we would be looking for another room since his deal seemed unaffordable to us. He said he would talk to his lawyer to further suggestion. He called back and said we could pay $500 this time instead of $650. I argued that we wouldn't be able to send any more money to him if he kept asking for money. He said it would be the last amount I would have to send, and he would meet us the next day to show the property. So, I sent him $500. This time he asked me to send the money to another email address which he said was his wife's email id (later, upon inquiry, I found out that she's not his wife. She didn't even know this person. She was told by someone else to receive the money and transfer it to someone).

Finally, the day came. He had told us to be at the property at 4:00pm. We were all ready to go to see our new room in a new house when he texted me and said he was outside, and that he would meet us at 8:00pm. I asked him to do it early but he didn't reply. After waiting for some time, I texted him saying that I wanted to cancel the deal and I wanted all the money back. After some minutes, he replied saying that we would try to come early. I texted him back telling him how urgent it was for us to find a new room to stay. He replied saying that he was driving and that he would soon get back to me. And he never came back. He said he would see us at 8:00pm but after 6:30pm, he was unavailable. He actually blocked me from calling him. I called him from my wife's number but he cut it immediately. We tried to reach him but he just disappeared.

I reported this case to CAFC (Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre) online but I was disappointed to read that CAFC doesn't investigate. So, I called my bank and informed about the incident. They said it would take 10 business days to review the case. 10 days went by and nothing happened. I then reported it to the police's fraud department. They took all the details and finally said, "It will take several months".

A year went by, and there was no update. After about 16 months from the incident, I received an email from the police's fraud department which said, "no further action will be taken at this time and this investigation is final". The main reason they mentioned was that there's no consumer protection when buying/selling/renting products on sites like Kijiji, Craigslist, and Facebook Market Place. That was the end of our hope of getting our money back.

You could be a victim too. So, if you are looking for a room on Kijiji or marketplace, it might not be a good idea to send money unless you actually visit the place and see the room with your own eyes. Or at least, you should first sign a lease. If you are renting the room from a rental agency, then they will have a their letter head with the logo in the lease agreement. And you can also find information about them on the internet. But if you are dealing with individuals rather than a rental agency, be sure to ask them to show you the property first. If they are willing to show you the property, they are genuine. Otherwise, stay alert!

(This incident happened in Aug-Sep 2021, and I had already shared this story in a Facebook group to make everyone aware and cautious. I just happened to recall this unfortunate incident. So, I'm sharing it again as a blog post in March 2025.)

Evening Stroll with My Wife in London, Ontario

 I have not been posting anything on this blog for almost four years. And recently, I just happend to check the stats of this blog and got surprised to see that this blog is still getting traffic. Almost 500 visits in a month was kind of unexpected. So, I thought I should starting writing blog posts again. However, I couldn't start right away. And, today, I just started writing. I really hope I will be posting very often in coming days.

So, yesterday, my wife and I took a walk around downtown London. By the way, we are in London but in England. This is London in Ontario, Canada. It's a small city with a population of around 500,000. Anyways, it was a hot day. And it was fairly warm in the evening. So, we went for a walk. Fortunately, we live in the downtown area. So, we can take a stroll anytime. Well, we walk around and decided to go to this place called Kungfu Tea to have some refreshment. We tried this drink called Oreo Black Warrior. It was a good one. We both are not good at finishing sweet drinks and dishes. So, we left some portion. These are some pictures taken there:

Well, we didn't stop there. We hadn't had a proper dinner. So, we went to an Indian restaurant, Jugaad. We had a Biryani and a soup. And yes, we couldn't finish it. We took the food home and ate the leftover today. These are the pictures taken at Jugaad:

Well, I guess, that's all for this time. I'm writing a blog post after a long time. So, don't know what to write. I hope you'll write better in the next post. Thanks for reading this post.

A Brave Mother

Photo by Manuel Schinner on Unsplash

I was at my friend's shop chatting with him when this cheerful lady entered the shop full of colourful, attractive and artistically beautiful items. She had been looking for something interesting at the shop before entering in as I could see her through the transparent glass shelf. After getting in, she looked around for a while and asked for a incense box (Buddhists use this box to burn incense and offer to the deities). She kept talking to us in a cheerful and humorous tone as my friend was showing her the boxes of different sizes.She appeared frank and friendly. We wouldn't need to ask much because she shared her views and experiences so openly. She, then, chose one of the boxes and asked the price. When she was told the price, she asked for discount. When she asked how much discount she could get, my friend said "alikati" (अलिकति) which means "a little bit" in Nepali language. She asked for a good discount with a constant smile on her face.

My friend had said "alikati" which sounded like "ilikati" (इलिकति) to the lady. So she frequently kept using that word while asking for discount - like "can't it be more than ilikati?". We couldn't dare to argue further when she said it was for her daughter who was no more in this world. She then gradually began telling her story as if we are so closed to her. She told that her daughter was an air hostess who lost her life in a very young age. She also showed her daughter's photo. when she explained in detail, I remembered that the plane crash was quite a recent incident. But the mother looked so strong and cheerful as if it was so long ago. She told us about her husband and three daughters including the deceased one. Both the elder daughters had chosen their ways of life and it was only the youngest one who was living with her and was the closest to the mother.

The mother shared with us that when my friend said "alikati" with an accent, she remembered her daughter's college friends who would visit her home. She became so emotional that she shared everything with us as if we were her daughter's friends. Her words made us emotional too. She wasn't crying but the wistful feelings could be seen in her eyes. She said she had made a different room in her house for the late daughter. There she would put something new every month in her daughter's memory. The incense box was the next gift for her daughter. As soon as we came across her story, we could no more be insistent. Obviously, then my friend gave her the box at a very reasonable price.

When she was talking to us, her cell phone rang. It was her husband's call. She received the call and we could hear her saying "Yes,I had said I would go to Asan but I came to Bouddha". She didn't cry for her daughter. Instead she would walk out of her house early and keep visiting to different places to stop herself from shedding tears. It's not easy to be that way for all the mothers but she was a strong mother. I wish and pray - may she never lose her strength.

I first wrote this piece 10 years ago (approximately) on another blog, on an another site and also on my facebook note. I'm now sharing it here on this blog after all these years.

Meditation: What to Expect and What NOT

 

Image from Pexels.com

Meditation, in my understanding, is a path. It’s a path to absolute peace. Meditation leads us to the unexplored part of ourselves. While we are always connected to the external world, practice of meditation helps us connect to the inner world within us. It makes us realize that the physical world is not the complete reality. Thus, meditation helps us see the reality that’s beyond the reach of the five senses.

As far as my experience is concerned, I haven't reached that level where I can claim that I have the authority to give tips and advice on how to do a proper meditation. However, I do have the experience of failing to meditate properly. So, I probably have the authority to share my experiences on what mistakes one could avoid while getting into the path of meditation.

First of all, the experience of meditation differs from person to person. What I experience may not be similar to what you experience. It’s because my level of consciousness may be different from yours. Moreover, people who have the ability to focus on a single point for a longer period of time can experience better and more positive results compared to those who struggle in maintaining focus even for a few seconds.

Another thing I have learned about meditation is that it’s not just about sitting cross-legged for some minutes and ignoring it for the rest of the day. An essential part of meditation is awareness. So, we must practise being aware of our actions each and every moment. Meditation is not done to escape reality. Instead meditation should help us to be aware of the truth and accept it as it is, rather than making up any kind of subjective perception on it. I had to mention this thing because a lot of people think that people who meditate are those who want to escape reality and live in a dreamlike world.

Next very crucial thing I need to talk about is the goal you set when you enter the world of meditation. I don’t know if I should mention this thing or not, and also I don’t know if I’ll be able to articulate it properly or not, but I will try to explain it in a simple way so that everyone can understand the gist of meditation. In a way, you have to know where you are going, in order to achieve success in whatever you do. So, setting a goal is very important. However, when it comes to meditation, you must be able to change this perception. If you are someone who knows nothing about meditation and if I have to explain meditation to you, then I can tell you that you can achieve inner peace and overcome fear by practising meditation. However, if you are really trying to explore the world of meditation, then I must be able to make it clear to you that setting a goal can be a big mistake in the path of meditation. When you set a goal, you have an expectation of achieving that goal. On the contrary, the purpose of meditation is to let go of any expectation. If you keep expecting that you’ll achieve this and that by doing the practice of meditation, then you’ll reach nowhere. Let’s say you are sitting down for a 30 minutes of meditation session. During this 30 minutes, if you are repeatedly asking yourself why you are not experiencing anything wonderful or different, then your session is not being fruitful. This 30 minutes of your day should be dedicated to meditation without any expectation, and there should not be any kind of feeling of regret once you are done with your session.

I didn’t know all these things when I first got introduced to meditation. I was so excited and was curious to know what I could achieve by meditating. As time passed, I studied a bit more about meditation and I also got more experience compared to my first attempts. And I’m still in the process of knowing meditation better and clearer. I’m still a very ordinary person. I never had an out-of-body experience. I haven’t been able to balance my chakras. I haven’t had my third eye opened. And I never had a lucid dream. However, I’m definitely a happier person now. 

And one thing I must mention once again is that the experience in meditation is not the same for everyone. What you experience in a month can be something I won’t be able to experience even after years of practice. That means you may experience a moment of bliss in a single day or maybe you won’t notice any change even after years of practice. So, you should be ready to accept this fact. This might make you a bit hopeless. However, on the brighter side, you should know that meditation teaches you to live in the present. It’s your mistakes in the past that can make you sad and wistful. And it’s your apprehension about a possible consequence in the future that keeps you anxious. If you meditate and observe your present, you won’t have anything to be sad about. And meditation makes you realize that happiness is a state of mind, which means that you should be happy because you know that you should be; not just because some external force is pleasing you. So, there are three major things I have learned from my experience in mediation - be aware of every single action you do; live in the present moment; and let go of any kind of expectation.  

(I wrote this when one of my friends asked me to write about my experience on meditation for research purpose. Now I'm posting it on my blog after some months.)