Observing My Thoughts: A 30-day Meditation Challenge

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Starting Date: 6th March 2018

I recently completed my 30-day meditation challenge. I am familiar with more than 5 ways of practicing meditation. And as far as possible, in this 1 month long practice, I used one particular method i.e. observing my thoughts as they come to my mind. The objective of this type of meditation is to become consciously aware of one's thoughts. So, I also practiced this meditation with the same intention. Now let me share how my 1 month long meditation practice went:

Day 1: 10 minutes

As I set the timer, closed my eyes and began observing my thoughts, the first thoughts were about my body posture. So, I consciously adjusted my posture, trying to have my spine straight. Then the random thoughts began popping up. Images of few people came up in front of my closed eyes. Behind my eyelids, I looked up towards my forehead so that I would be able to focus on my thoughts instead of my body parts or my soundings. Besides the people I know, I could see some places I visited and things I did recently. I could hear a song or two playing in the background (in my thoughts - not in reality). As some of the thoughts stayed a bit longer, I would say to my mind, "What next?". Then a new thought would come up. However, I felt quite positive and surprised about the fact that I had very few thoughts during this session of 10-minute duration than I had thought I would come across. The Timer beeped which gave me a little jerk.

Day 2: 10 minutes

So, it's the 2nd day. I set the timer, closed my eyes and sat up straight. Like the first day, at the beginning of the 10-minute session, my mind was being occupied by some recent incidents and people I recently met. Then came other people and events one after another. For some reason, my mind was occupied by more thoughts compared to yesterday. I realized then that I was instructing myself to observe those thoughts without being carried away. While observing the thoughts from a distance, I happened to think of a television where my thoughts were being displayed. A moment later, the TV showed some programmes and some scenes from movies that I had no any idea about. I noticed very few of my bodily sensations. Then I was having some self-talk. I was observing my thoughts neutrally but some of them brought a bit of emotions for few seconds. Though it was not a very deep meditation, I was below the surface - into my thoughts. So, the beep after 10 minutes was still twitching.

Day 3: 10 minutes

It's third day of 30-day meditation. I set the timer and began observing my thoughts. With spine straight and spontaneous breath, I observed all the random thoughts. The first thoughts were about the people I met recently and the events that happened recently. While observing my own thoughts, I was frequently being concerned about the fact that I had to write about my experience after observing all those thoughts. So, quite a few times, I was thinking "what was the previous thought?". Getting back to observing my thoughts, I came across thoughts of random places and people. Again, thoughts of people and events from recent days came up. Compared to day 1 and 2, it was noisier today. However, the density of thoughts was lower than day 2. I noticed a moment or two of bodily sensations. In the middle of the session, the noise from the street gave a little jolt. While for whatever reason I was trying to notice what was going on my left and right sides of my brain alternatively, the timer beeped and it still gave me jerk.

Day 4: 10 minutes

From setting timer to having recent events in my mind were similar to the previous day. I then instructed myself to observe my thoughts from distance as I remembered a video I had watched about observing one's thoughts. I had just a quick moment of bodily sensation. My attention was being dragged away by the noise from the street and neighbour and also from my family members moving here and there and making some sounds. Like I had yesterday, I was being reminded that I would have to write about my experience, which was little distracting. I didn't have too many thoughts which was somehow positive I guess. At a time, my mind was like empty. It wasn't actually empty but I had a kind of steady thought that wasn't changing for some time. Then I had to put a little effort to jump to next/no thought. The beeping sound of timer still gave jerk.

Day 5: 10 minutes

Today's meditation was full of thoughts. My mind was having so many random thoughts. Today, unlike previous days, I can't say at which point the thoughts came and went away. My mind was occupied for the whole session. Well, I didn't react much to those random thoughts but I was still having so many thoughts - one after another. The alarm at the end of 10 minutes gave me jerk again.

Day 6: 10 minutes

One thing that seemed different in today's meditation session was that I didn't have any noticeable thoughts  of people or places from any recent event. All were random. In a sense, today's session was better as I didn't react to most of the thoughts. After a couple of minutes I felt a bit uneasy as my throat was getting dry. I then coughed a few times. After that I continued my meditation smoothly. In between, I was being conscious about observing my thoughts. So, I consciously jumped from one thought to another so that I wouldn't get stuck and think actively over one unwanted thought. However, I managed to react less. Thoughts came and went. The sound of timer still twitched me.

Day 7: 10 minutes

It seems like more and more thoughts are coming my way day by day. I had so many thoughts of different people, place and events in today's session. Last night I was watching videos on Youtube till late. So, actors from those videos appeared in my thoughts. Along with them they were so many thoughts which I don't remember now. However, I feel like I'm becoming less reactive to my thoughts. And I'm little more aware than before. That could be the reason why today's beep was relatively less alarming.

Day 8: 10 minutes

Today's experiences were not much different from those of yesterday and the day before. Slowly random thoughts started coming in to my mind. After some time, I happened to think about yesterday's events, and I noticed that I was adding some extra moments which actually did not happen. However, I was receptive to my thoughts for the most of the time rather than rejecting them and getting overwhelmed. I had lesser thoughts today compared to yesterday. The alarm was still twitching but not as much as day 1 and 2.

Day 9: 10 minutes

Thoughts don't seem to reduce. At the beginning of a session, few random thoughts appear. Then the number of thoughts grow up and up. And that's what happened again today. It started with few thoughts and then I ended up having so many thoughts. Last night I watched some videos, all of the same actor. So, many of the thoughts were of the actor. Others were my friends and people from the recent events. Though so many thoughts are always there, on a positive note, I'm learning to be less reactive and more neutral towards my thoughts. I could hear sounds of vehicles from outside. That may be the reason why I didn't feel much alarmed by the timer.

Day 10: 10 minutes

So it's the 10th day. Today's experience was a little different. I observed my thoughts in a bit different way. From the beginning, I asked myself, "what am I thinking?" and "where are the thoughts directing me to?". I repeated it again and again. This helped me to prevent my mind from having too much thoughts. So, my thoughts were not so noticeable and clear today. A thought would come but it would vanish before appearing clear. I attended one of my friends' wedding reception. So, in the latter part of my session, I had few thoughts of the event. Besides that I didn't have any noticeable thoughts except very few from yesterday. So, I had very few thoughts today. I was also being aware of the sounds around me. So, the beep of timer wasn't that alarming.

Day 11: 15 minutes

I've been observing my thoughts for 10 minutes every day. 10 days have already passed. So, on 11th day I thought of increasing the time of the session. So, I set the timer to 15 minutes. Compared to yesterday, I came across more thoughts. So, my mind was less quieter today. I simply observed the thoughts. And frequently I interrupted my thoughts, asking for next thought. Though there were so many thoughts, I remained neutral for the most of the time. There were only a couple of moments where I found myself reacting with emotion. Recent events were still the dominant thoughts. I didn't quite felt like I was meditating for 5 more minutes. And yes, the timer was less twitching.

Day 12: 15 minutes

Today's session was a little messy in terms of thoughts. For some reason, I had to stop my timer twice before I did meditation for whole 15 minutes. Maybe that's the reason why I wasn't able to quieten my mind like before. Thoughts of yesterday's events popped up frequently. Though I wasn't that reactive to those thoughts, I felt like I was relatively less neutral to them compared to the last time. Time seemed to pass a bit slowly. So, I thought my phone got turned off and the timer didn't beep. When I opened my eyes, the timer rang within a couple of seconds.

Day 13: 15 minutes

Random thoughts were coming and going fast, one after another. There was a background music playing in my mind. So many thoughts popped up. I observed those thoughts and came back to present. I did it frequently. But for most of the time I was hearing the background music. My mind felt quite occupied. For a moment, I managed to make my mind almost thoughtless, with no noticeable thoughts. After a while, it was full of thoughts again. I observed my bodily sensations, and it helped me a bit to get away from too many thoughts. I was quite receptive to the thoughts today. Again, 15 minutes seemed a little longer. But I managed to not open my eyes before the timer rang.

Day 14: 15 minutes

My mind was quite restless in today's session. A lot of thoughts occupied my mind. Though I observed them with less attachment, I felt like my mind was so crowded. However, as I've been learning to stay neutral, I didn't react to them with any apparent emotion. So, I didn't get carried away by those thoughts. Towards the latter part of the session, I managed to have relatively fewer thoughts. Yet, today's session was quite occupied by lots of thoughts. So, the timer was a bit jerking.

Day 15: 15 minutes

Random thoughts were there as always. But the cloud of thoughts was less dense today. From the beginning of the session, I told myself to observe my thoughts. I did so repeatedly. So, even the thoughts came, they went likewise. I had a little bit of bodily sensation, and I adjusted my posture. For a while,  I got caught up in a thought of a place I had visited few years ago. I couldn't remember the structure of place clearly. So, I tried to remember it. Once I got the rough figure, I let it go. Besides that it went quite well. Oh yes! In the middle of the session, a piece of music was being played in the background in my mind. It popped up a couple of times. Then it disappeared. Towards the end, I was already alarmed by a sound from outside. So, the timer didn't jolt me.

Day 16: 15 minutes

Today's session was much better than yesterday's. I had random thoughts but very few. I began with telling my mind to observe what it was thinking. I repeatedly asked my mind to do so. This made me not go too far into my thoughts. Of course, what happened recently were appearing in my mind but they were not that disturbing. A couple of times I happened to think about my future plans. So, at that moment I got little involved emotionally in those thoughts. However, it was just for a while. Then I came out of the thoughts and observed the thoughts that followed. I was also being aware of the noise outside and of my bodily sensations. For a moment, I didn't have noticeable thoughts. I repeatedly reminded my mind to observe instead of getting involved. This made the meditation better. The timer wasn't so jolting as I was a bit aware of my surrounding.

Day 17: 15 minutes

It wasn't bad today. I started observing my thoughts. One came after another. But there were not too many thoughts. Some of them went right away while some stayed for a while. I repeatedly reminded myself of not getting stuck in a thought. So, I didn't get disturbed by those thoughts. I also observed my body parts and posture for a while. However, thoughts continued coming. The timer twitched me a bit as I was being occupied by a thought towards the end.

Day 18: 15 minutes

Today's session was so-so. I neither had too many thoughts nor very few. It started with few thoughts and a background music. Then I had one thought after another coming constantly. I tried to quieten my mind by imagining the volume of the sounds in the background fading away and the images disappearing. It worked for a while but thoughts appeared back again. So, my mind was quite occupied. Today's timer twitched me as I was having a new thought just at the moment.

Day 19: 15 minutes

I started by observing and adjusting my posture. Then I began observing my thoughts. There were many thoughts appearing. I frequently told my mind to come back to present and observe the thoughts. Few times, I happened to think about certain thoughts for a bit longer. However, I didn't go too far. I was being emotionally neutral as much as I could. My mind was not quiet but still I was consciously calm. I told my mind to stay calm and peaceful even with so many thoughts. Though I was being a bit aware of my thoughts and surroundings, the timer jerked me again.

Day 20: 15 minutes

I started with a quick body scan. After that I let my mind observe its thoughts. As usual, lots of thoughts appeared. They came and went away. I didn't get stuck in a thought. I asked my mind time and again to neutrally observe all the thoughts. I wasn't able to maintain a quiet mind. Thoughts were popping up one after another. But I managed to let them come and go without being judgmental and emotional about them. As my mind was quite occupied by many thoughts, the sound of timer jolted me quite prominently.

Day 21: 15 minutes

As I started meditating, my mind started having thoughts of recent events and then so many other thoughts. Some of them were about the places I had visited a few years back. So, I actively thought about them for a while. One of them was of the activities I liked. So, I got stuck there a bit. I had many random thoughts today. But I managed to stay neutral. In between, I stayed aware of my surrounding. I had very few thoughts for a moment, and then a lot of thoughts popped up again. The timer jolted me as I was quite lost into random thoughts.

Day 22: 15 minutes

As usual, it started with random thoughts. It wasn't overwhelming but there was a continue flow of thoughts. I didn't react much to those thoughts but I kept reminding myself to just observe them and not get stuck. Few of the thoughts triggered physical sensations which I became aware of and observed consciously. I was also frequently aware of my body and surroundings. Today's timer was less jolting.

Day 23: 15 minutes

Today's session was crowded with thoughts. I had so many thoughts and many of them even made me actively think about them - I went along with the thoughts and began completing them. But, maybe as a result of daily practice, I didn't react to them emotionally. So, even I couldn't maintain a quiet mind, I was calm during meditation. For a few moments, I managed to have very less thoughts, but most of the time, I had continuous flow of thoughts. The timer was less jolting today as my attention was already diverted out towards the end by a sound.

Day 24: 15 minutes

Today's meditation session was a bit effortful. I thought of maintaining a quiet mind. So, I began with letting the thoughts come and go. Then I tried to visualise my mind being empty. But most of the time, I found myself engaging in those thoughts. Though I didn't get judgmental about any of the thoughts, I was being occupied by thoughts most of the time. With my effort, the thoughts faded away but immediately popped up again. Timer was a bit jerking.

Day 25: 15 minutes

I started today's session with the effort to not listen to any words in my thoughts. Words are triggering factors in creating thoughts. If you can get rid of words then you are almost done with getting rid of random thoughts. So, I tried to not listen to words popping up in my thoughts. To some extent I was successful but the random thoughts still popped up, talking to my mind. So, I wasn't able to stop the words completely. And in today's session, I happened to cough quite loudly. That interrupted the flow of my meditation. However, I resumed again. Timer today was less jolting.

Day 26: 15 minutes

Today's session wasn't too good but it wasn't too bad either. I had continuous flow of thoughts. It wasn't too disturbing yet my mind wasn't quiet. I somewhat managed to use very less words in my thoughts compared to previous days. That made my mind less crowded. I didn't put much effort today. I just observed. So, overall it was good. The beep of timer wasn't that jolting.

Day 27: 15 minutes

Today's experiences were not much different from yesterday's. I focused on being wordless in my thoughts. And to some extent I was able to do so. But most of the time, I had to let the thoughts utter words. I was being distracted by the sounds and voices from outside, and there was so much going on in my head. But I managed to not react much to them. I became aware of my immediate surrounding towards the latter part of my session. The timer wasn't jolting today.

Day 28: 20 minutes

I planned to increase the duration of meditation from today onwards. So, I set the timer to 20 minutes. It began with very less thoughts but as the session progressed, more and more thoughts began popping up rapidly. Then my mind got occupied. Today, compared to other days, I was thinking more actively. I had few moments with very less words but it didn't last long. Ultimately thoughts in my mind started chatting continuously. The timer twitched me but not as much as in earlier days.

Day 29: 20 minutes

Well, I should say it was not bad. Today, I forgot to set the timer to 20 minutes. Instead, I set it to 15 minutes. I then started observing my thoughts. Though thoughts were popping up, I didn't feel much distracted or occupied. I was having continuous flow of thoughts but I was still calm. Only for a few moments, I got engaged with the thoughts. But for the rest of the time, I maintained a calm mind, almost a quiet one. Though thoughts from recent events were appearing again and again, they weren't too distracting. The timer was a little loud but not jolting. After I had completed 15 minutes, I set a 5-minute timer and meditated again and it went good enough; maybe even calmer and quieter than the previous 15 minutes.

Day 30: 20 minutes

Finally, it's the 30th day. Today's session was again a crowded one. Thoughts from recent events popped up at the beginning and then many random thoughts appeared one after another. To some of them, I reacted with active thoughts. However, I maintained my calm. Though my mind was occupied, I didn't engage my emotions to the random thoughts. Today's timer was not jolting.

Looking back to the 30-day meditation challenge, obviously I feel a sense of achievement above anything else. Whether it is working out, drawing, writing, reading, learning a new skill or meditating, doing any of these activities for 30 days is a challenge in itself. It's a human tendency to feel bored and demotivated after few days. So, having completed 30 days of meditation sessions has made me feel good about myself at the first place.

Besides the wonder feeling of contentment, this challenge has brought improvement in the quality of my meditation. Thought it's for the first time that I've attempted this type of challenge, it was not my first experience of meditating or observing my thoughts. I have been practicing meditation for some years, though not as regular as I did in these 30 days. Sometimes I have had even sat for meditation for more than 30 minutes. So, my experience could be very different from one who has never practiced meditation in the past and is attempting meditation challenge for the first time. Coming back to my experience, meditating everyday has brought improvement in the quality of my meditation, making my mind less reactive and more neutral. And I guess I'm calmer than before, at least for the duration of meditating.

Though I have been practicing meditation for some years, the type of meditation I chose for this challenge was a bit different from what I used to do for the most of the time. In this challenge, I tried to look at my thoughts as they come and go. Sometimes, this method can be the simplest way to become aware of your thoughts but many a time, this can become even a much more difficult way to do so. And it was difficult for me. I struggled staying focused during these 30 days. However, I believe I'm now less judgmental, less reactive, less emotional and more neutral towards my thoughts.

Meditation is not something you do for 30 days and you are done. Instead, it is a way of life. Once you do a 30-day challenge, you are supposed to make meditation a habit. You can't expect to experience wonders in 1 month. For some people, it takes just few days to realise something big through meditation. But for average people, it takes years of practice to enjoy the actual fruit of meditation. So, I'm not feeling discouraged at all. Instead I'm now more comfortable with doing meditation for longer time. I'm looking forward to exploring further the potential of my mind in coming days and years.